McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
