i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
