dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
