she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
