U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
