She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Mom said you looked used
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
