with your own penis?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Verdict: uncircumcised.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
