so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
