just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
