I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
