you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
