Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
