found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
