you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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