dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize