Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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