My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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