the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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