I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
All the doctor said was why
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
