nut hugger
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
