i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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