Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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