Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
