I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
