Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize