As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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