3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
thus making me awesome and them whores
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
