If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
