so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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