And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
