I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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