Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
