apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Holy sore nipples Batman
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
