Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize