Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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