I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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