I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
