If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
