So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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