i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
