She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
