Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
