My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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