Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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