Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
