i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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