as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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