So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
