I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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