I feel like abortions should bother me more
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
