I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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