she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
