Well douche your snatch and let's go!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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