so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
