I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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