She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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