I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
