Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
