It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
