omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
