It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
foreskin is a definite game changer
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
