It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
