He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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