Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
