Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
