You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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