atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
BRING THE BAGELS
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize