I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
