I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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