Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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