evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
