Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The air was thick with penises
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
