I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My ass is underappreciated
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
