I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
