I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize