Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize