in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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