I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
