ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
