youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
