He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
