cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize