yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
