You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we're making bets on your personal life
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
