I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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