I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
