SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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