R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
