And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
