she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
