piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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