ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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