My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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