Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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