apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
