we made out on top of his cat.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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