I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
