Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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