My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
