I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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