Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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