omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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