Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
