she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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