IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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