so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
