Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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