so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
