They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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